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Thursday, Nov 14 2019, 6AM
"It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our minuscule selves. We are tiny, trembling clusters of atoms subsumed within grief’s awesome presence. It occupies the core of our being and extends through our fingers to the limits of the universe. Within that whirling gyre all manner of madnesses exist; ghosts and spirits and dream visitations, and everything else that we, in our anguish, will into existence. These are precious gifts that are as valid and as real as we need them to be. They are the spirit guides that lead us out of the darkness." - Good morning Seattle, and welcome to the 15th edition of The Mom Show. You are not alone. // bit.ly
I believe her, I'm a griever now // Because we’ll all arrive in heaven alive // We’ll all arrive
And I built a home for you, for me // Until it disappeared from me, from you // And now it's time to leave and turn to dust
"There are no words to describe the overwhelming sadness and pain that comes with the death of our beloved Scott, but to know he is no longer suffering brings us some comfort. Reading messages of support and hope from those he has helped through his art has helped immensely and we encourage you to continue doing this. He will be missed by all of us and his absence will always be felt but he leaves a legacy of hope, kindness and colour that will forever be remembered and shared. Rest peacefully Scott." // bit.ly
"Well Marianne, it’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I’ve always loved you for your beauty and your wisdom, but I don’t need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye old friend. Endless love, see you down the road." // bit.ly
"I think the entire album feels like a requiem, a collection of condolence. Departure Songs was an album about living life within the midst of finitude; Oblivion Hymns is the passing away… the acceptance of saying, “goodbye.” An ongoing hymn to the temporary." // bit.ly
The band on the words "the earth is not a cold dead place" appearing repeatedly on the album artwork: "That way we could kind of imagine that that it was written by someone who sees all the horror and terror of the world, but who is also trying to look at all the wonderful and beautiful things. I know the 4 of us tend to get overwhelmed with negativity. It’s just the way we are. It is too easy to look only at the bad but it takes something to be able to look at the beauty as well. And realize that there are also good things." // bit.ly
"This song can have varied meanings, some specific for the band, different for others. For me, now, this means we can't live with Ray because he's gone, but how can we, especially his family, live without him? The answer is the we friends and family need to step up and come together to support the family and each other to make it through today and always. The lyric - "You give yourself away" means two things, the immediate and incomprehensible that Ray somehow, in an instant, gave himself away, but the second, enduring and more foundational meaning is that Ray was one of the most generous and caring people I've known. His first priority was always improving the lives of those around him, his wife and kids, his family, especially his parents, and his friends. If we could all be more like Ray and try and think first of how to improve the lives of those around us, near, and far, the world be a better place." // Steve, this one's for you and the loss of your father and your friend Ray <3
"We lost my amazing wife Kristin 4 years ago. My 3 kids and I listen every morning, but especially look forward to the Mom Show. My 7 year old Andrew accompanied me to Death & Music." // Eric, this one's for you and Kristin <3
"I’ll be honest and say that I’ve been ambivalent about The Mom Show because part of me wants to shut out the grief while the other part of me wants to allow me a moment to process it. My mom, like everyone listening in, was a light in humanity. She brought me up with Star Trek, The Beatles, and Cosmos, which is the closest thing I have to a religion. Lewy Bodies Dementia was a cruel, horrific disease that claimed my mom 4.5 years ago. My sister, brother and I stood vigil and played music on a smartphone in those last weeks of her decline. And this one song played on her last day on Earth, which has haunted and soothed me; “Morning Has Broken” by Cat Stevens." // Michael, thank you for sharing this with us, this is for you <3
Blackbird singing in the dead of night // Take these broken wings and learn to fly // All your life // You were only waiting for this moment to arise
It's been five years and some change // And this world is gettin' so strange // But this house smells just the same
And my mom, my sweet mom // She don't remember my name - This one's for everyone out there with a loved one suffering from dementia
"My wife passed away from pancreatic cancer in May; our 29th wedding anniversary would be (I'm going to say "is") this Sunday. This week has been among the toughest I've faced yet. I don't even know if I can listen to tomorrow's show. In any event, I just wanted say thanks for your efforts in educating people about grief. I also wanted to share a brief "indie" story about Randy. In an attempt to apologize to my wife for one of the many blunders I put her through, I played "Book of Love" by the Magnetic Fields on the stereo. Essentially, I slow danced my way out of the doghouse. Years later, it was one of the three songs my daughter and her two friends played at Randy's funeral luncheon. Someone recorded it and I know it's something I can lean on when my thoughts start to go where they shouldn't. Thanks for listening, Lee" // Lee, we appreciate you for listening. This one's for you and the loss of Randy. <3
When I am alone // When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone // When I've lost all care for the things I own // That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you // You who are my home
"In 2013, my wife, Alice, and I lost a dear friend to suicide. Each year, this show brings a wave of memories back to me. Maysie was funny, not pedestrian funny, but belly-ache-from-cry-laughing funny. She was kind, not hi-how-are-you kind, but the type of person who would cross the country to watch our kid when we were in a bind. Maysie was with Alice when our son, Charlie, took his first steps. I was at work, but felt supported. I felt like I did not let my wife down during that moment because Maysie was there with her. I say, “Maysie was the type of person who...” But is this even a “type?” She seems to be a one-off, unique who graced our lives. I’m preparing to ride my bike to work. I’ll pass along the edge of the San Francisco Bay, through Sausalito, and across the Golden Gate bridge. All the way, listening to your music and thinking positive thoughts. Oh the glory. Can you please play Willie Nelson’s “Angel Flying Too Close to be Ground” in honor of the great Maysie Anderson? She too is not forgotten."
"I know there must be people listening now who have also been hurt by the person who died, who miss them and love them but are also hurt and angry at them. If you have lost a loved one to suicide, you are not alone. My mom loved music, she sang and played guitar and performed her entire life. Even during the worst of her mental illness, playing her guitar was a comfort for her that she turned to again and again. Years ago, before her mental illness worsened, she told me that one of her favorite songs was Somewhere Over the Rainbow. As I listen to it now, I think it beautifully expresses her deep longing for a different life, a life with less suffering. Could you play Somewhere Over the Rainbow? I hope it will help others who are survivors of suicide or who have been hurt by their loved ones to feel less alone." // Kelly, thank you for sharing this, and for coming to Death & Music last night. You are not alone <3
"My mom passed away from cancer at the age of 53 four years ago. Today is her birthday, she would be 57. What timing you have! Brings a tear to my eye and I feel like KEXP has my back. Thank you so much. What a gift for today. If you can, play Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie." // Amber, thanks for tuning in and writing us this morning, this is for you <3
"Yeah, people aren't alone. I'm not alone. Absolutely not. I'm ready to use whatever platform I can to reach people that need to hear it, and even over the years like I have people constantly reaching out to me. It is a legacy. It's my legacy. You asked earlier, "What do I want people to know about my mom?" Well, that she was incredible and powerful. Anyone who met her will remember her. Also, she would be really proud of me, and same with my grandmother. My grandmother is a small southern lady who grew up in Rocky Mount. She would always say, "Oh, Olivia, I just wish I was a fly on the wall. If I could just be a fly on the wall of your life. I'm tickled about your life," and that's why I keep doing it because I had two matriarchs in my life that were just powerful women. I think people that hear the music can pick up on that out of anything." // Oh, Rose on grief, mental illness, and building new family: bit.ly
"He was rising and setting and I planned my life around it as one does a day: depending on the position of the sun in the sky: you’ll have breakfast or go to work or dinner with your friends. His death is the end of my world as I knew it." // bit.ly
"In Dreams was written as a reaction to James’ passing, and which we played at the Death and Music show last year. Indian Ocean was started by Charles and James in our hotel room in Perth Australia, on hold to the travel agency while Kevin and I went to Cottesloe Beach because we wanted to be sure to immerse ourselves in the Indian Ocean while we could. (Eventually we all made it into the ocean together.) It’s the last song he wrote a guitar part for, but he died before it could be recorded, so I tried to do it justice in the studio. We used his guitar and amp, and it sounds a lot ‘like’ him, but I just hear that it’s not really him. I can play the notes, but his inimitable style, his human touch, is impossible to recapture. Hearing it played back in the studio brought tears to my eyes because he’ll be impossible to replace. The three of us will continue on under a new name, eventually."
"Ethan from Math and Physics Club here. Thank you so much for your support through the years, and especially in the aftermath of James’ death. Playing at the Death and Music show last year gave the three of us a reason to play together again, when it would have been easy to isolate ourselves.... gather all your people around you when you can, because none of us knows how much time we have left. At his memorial service last year, his pre-teen daughters were asked to select a song to play that reminded them of their papa, and they chose Blonde on Blonde by Nada Surf. Would you play it for them, and for us?" // Math and Physics Club, this one is for all you <3
Amen omen, will I see your face again? // Amen omen, can I find the place within // To live my life without you? // I listen to a whisper, slowly drift away // Silence is the loudest parting word you never say
Seattle lost Shawn Smith on April 5th at the age of 53 this year. He was known for his work as a solo artist, his bands Brad, Satchel, Pigeonhed, and he was a performer at our Death and Music event last year. Here is video of him performing this song live in our Gathering Space in 2016: www.youtube.com
Shared with us from Shawn's private journals, by Lucy: When I stop worrying. When I slow down. I remember that everything is LOVE. Everything is energy. Everything is One. You and I are One. Just as you and the Stars are One. Do you believe in Magic? Do you believe in Love? Love doesn't care if you believe - Love is Alive! Love is EVERYTHING. Love never goes away because Love is You - and Love is Me, too - and Love IS God - and God IS Love - and Love has 7.7 billion names. So go ahead, say your name and remember what you are.... - Shawn Smith <3 :) (Shawn always signed everything with a heart and a smiley face)
Hold your grandmother's Bible to your breast // Gonna put it to the test // You wanted it to be blessed // And in your heart // You know it to be true // You know what you got to do // They all depend on you // And you already know // Yeah, you already know how this will end
Be my friend, hold me // Wrap me up, enfold me // I am small and needy // Warm me up and breathe me
"My dad died when I was eight. That grief has never fully left me and in many ways I consider my father to be my guardian angel in this life. The times I have missed him are numerous eons, but the time I DID spend with him makes all the difference. He taught me my alphabet, he taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me about lucky pennies, he taught me how to treat each and every person with respect and dignity, and he loved music. I remember the magic of music before I could walk. A lot of this is because of my Dad. Could you play: Off He Goes by Pearl Jam? This song reminds me of my Dad. We'll see each other again. I can't wait to talk music with my Dad on the other side of this veil. Music heals programming continues to be a harbor of solace, peace and honesty to me." // Lisa (and Schroeder!) this one's for you and your dad <3
Now if you're feelin' weary // If you've been alone too long // Maybe you've been suffering from // A few too many
plans that have gone wrong // And you're trying to remember // How fine your life used to be // Running around banging your drum // Like it's 1973 // Well that was the river // This is the sea!
True love will find you in the end // You'll find out just who was your friend // Don't be sad, I know you will
But don't give up until // True love will find you in the end - Local band Hey Marseilles covering this song last night by Daniel Johnston, who passed away on September 11th of this year.
If I walk down this hallway // Tonight it's too quiet // So I pad through the dark // And call you on the phone // Push your old numbers // And let your house ring
'Till I wake your ghost
"I look forward to this show every year. Our son Quinn died at 3 years old after a year and a half of awful treatments for cancer. I would like to hear Pearl Jam’s Just Breathe. “Meet you on the other side is on his gravestone.“ We miss him every day. It never goes away." // Kathleen, this one's for you and Quinn <3
"I lost my dad (Doug) 27 years ago, and my only sibling, (Tanner) 11 years ago both suddenly and tragically… certainly way before I was ready to let them go. I am 36 weeks pregnant with my first child, and avenues of my grief that I thought had previously been resolved are breaking wide open as I approach meeting this little human. So many moments I wish my dad and brother were earthside for. It has been tough but also very beautiful and cathartic. No matter how much time has passed, they will never be forgotten. I don’t know what exactly I believe in, but I feel their presence often and that is a comfort. If you are able, please play ‘Three Little Birds’ by Bob Marley in honor of my brother. Whenever I am feeling lonely and anxious, that songs finds its way to me…his way of telling me he is ok." // Thank you for sharing this with us Sydney, this one's for you <3
The doctor asked him what he was afraid of // Just what was he running from? // And he said, it's not a fear of success, nor of closeness // But of going through life feeling numb
"The song describes a time in everybody’s life that make you lose faith in yourself, in someone else, or in life itself and you just need to hear from someone that one day everything will be OK again. That no matter what, with time and patience we all will be OK.” // bit.ly
"Last night I had the pleasure of attending the Death and Music concert, a profound and beautiful experience. I walked from our new home on First Hill and was struck by the symmetry of that moment. Only a few blocks from there was when picking up my wife Siobhan from work at Fred Hutch Cancer Research Center, she turned to me excited to tell me she had discovered a new radio station, KCMU, and a new favorite DJ, John in the Morning. That was 1995. And over all these years her taste in music was directly shaped by KEXP, and so the station is very much a part of her spirit. 4 years ago, almost to the day, Siobhan passed away. The first mom show after her death left me in a puddle of grief and tears. I'm not sure I was much less stricken last night, but this time I wasn't alone. And that made a world of difference. Thank you KEXP for supporting this and for being there all these years." // Francois, thank YOU for supporting us. It's how we're still here. <3
If you need me // I can always be found // If you want me to stay // I will stay by your side // I won't run far
"The universe lost my brother, James, to suicide in February 2017 and KEXP was his favorite radio station as it is mine. Please spin TVOTR's Trouble if possible. Thanks for helping me grieve." // Phil, we're so sorry for your loss. This is for you and James. <3
We'll have more of our interview with Guy Garvey of Elbow about the death of his father on Sound and Vision this Saturday, 7-9AM // www.kexp.org
This has been The Mom Show. Thank you everyone for the amazing stories (so many!) and songs you've shared with us today about love, loss, and grief. You are not alone.