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Thursday, Feb 13 2020, 6AM
Goldenrod and the 4H stone // The things I brought you // When I found out you had cancer of the bone
It was the only woman you ever loved // That got burnt by the sun too often when she was young // And the cancer spread
And it ran into her body and her blood // www.kexp.org
"My husband Tim was a card carrying KEXP member since the mid 80’s. We met in 1990 and he pulled me slowly (for I was not a true listener ) into coming to love KEXP as much as he did. Tim had every radio within a ten mile radius of wherever he was tuned to 90.3. Work, home, the gym, his car. At the gym he worked out at, he would tune the radio to KEXP. Others would come in and say “what are we we listening to?” Some one would respond “It’s Tim’s music”. One morning he walked into the gym and the radio had already been tuned to 90.3 - his music. In December of 2008 Tim was diagnosed with cancer. He died the following November. We had the radio in the living room where his hospice bed was set up tuned to KEXP. We listened to it all day, every day, until he died. I have continued listening to, loving, and supporting KEXP. My radios, smart speaker, and PC are all tuned to 90.3. I too have made a few converts. Music truly does heal. It has pulled me through some very difficult times and gives me joy. From all the great DJ’s, the programs, the events at the Seattle Center, the incredible music, stories and the realization time and again, I am not alone. KEXP gives me what I need at the time I need it. It gives me memories. It gives me strength thinking that Tim is listening." - Clare, this one's for you and Tim. Thank you for sharing your story with us <3
"My mother developed breast cancer about 15 years ago when she was 45, and beat it 6 months later. Even in the darkest of times, she would relentlessly quote Seinfeld and put bits of lettuce in her teeth to make us laugh at the dinner table, all while managing to provide a normal life for my teenage self and younger sister. She taught us to be resilient, even when life is unexpected. She showed us to see the positive in what we get, even if it isn’t what we want. For that, I’d love if you could play Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” as my mother used to sing that to us when we pressed for things we wanted. It made us so mad at the time. Thanks for recognizing this community." - Kaleigh, this one's for you and your mom. (SERENITY NOW!) <3
"Both my husband and I have been impacted by cancer. I lost my mama 4 years back to lung cancer, my husband's dad right now is deep in a battle with throat cancer. These two people completely shaped our musical worlds. Both of them have left such a huge imprint on the music that gives us joy, that gives us the room to feel and the outlet for all of life's mixed emotions...
My husband's dad has such fantastic myth and lore surrounding him. All of our friends that know him speak of a stoic badass forever turning the volume WAY up on the Rolling Stones. The Faces, Rod Stewart and Guns and Roses became the backdrop of all the good times his parents had while Erik was young. Here we are yearssss later still feeling that same fantastic energy from all of those groups and songs. The entire Stones catalogue reminds us of his dad, the entire Stones catalogue makes us feel young and free and a little big wild. Which no doubt is why Leroy still loves it, even though cancer is actively trying to take away his life. He still has the Stones, we still have the Stones." - Jenn and Erik, this one's for you <3
"My mom used to work in record distribution and listened to everything from Dwight Yokam, Al Green and Billy Idol. But her real soft spot was 90s country... I played Billy Bragg and Wilco's California Stars often for her, it matched our feelings for each other and her literal location so perfectly. As she was passing that song was requested by those in the room, I played it off my phone in the wee hours of the night as she was losing her life. I then read that song at her memorial, its still such a perfect encapsulation of the beautiful and bittersweet emotions surrounding loving and losing someone so important." - Another one for Jenn <3
"For those of us who make it through tortuous treatment and stage 4 diagnoses and are still here, I’d love to hear Beth Ditto’s I’m Alive. Every day is a gift. I just turned 50 and I feel better than ever.
Maybe even Big Thief - Cattails, because I listen to it over and over these days. Something about not being alone to struggle, because we are not alone when we have community, and “we don’t need to know why when we cry”.
My story has been told before, yet now that I’m 3.5 years post treatment for the same type of cancer that Cheryl just finished treatment for, I hear that there is only a 4% chance of recurrence! I even joined a gym last weekend and I am so fucking alive and healthy, I eat incredibly healthy and am strong and have the love and support of so many friends and family. Thank you for all of the music, it was with me before, and will forever be by my side." - Fuck yeah, Carrie! This Big Thief is for you <3
"Our son Elliott turned 6 on Monday and will celebrate five years of being cancer-free this April. We are so grateful to the oncology and transplant teams at Seattle Children's who made these milestones possible. Can you play Empire of the Sun's "Alive," it's a song that got us dancing and picked us up during his treatment and still does today." - Nicole, Jonathan & Elliott, we hope you keep dancing, this one's for you <3
"On Our 25th wedding anniversary in July 2018, my wife and I got the news that the mass taken out of my nose was an extremely aggressive form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. (We'd been assured it definitely was *not* cancer. Ugh.) We cried, we leaned on our friends, and we got to work. We found our way to SCCA and UW medicine, who outlined a super aggressive plan: Concurrent 27 straight weekdays of radiation, and three-day inpatient chemo every three weeks. The docs predicted the "massive" chemo + radiation would utterly crush me, make me unable to swallow or feed myself. Nah to that, if I could help it, I was ready -- but there was one thing that scared me no end: Radiation for 5 weeks with a hockey puck-sized tongue protector in my mouth. And, to keep my head still during radiation, a super-tight face and neck mask. So? I’m claustrophobic, Wasn't sure I could handle the puck n mask combo for over a month. Music saved me. Nervously, I walked into the Radiation Bay for my first session. The techs greeted me warmly and asked what music I wanted. ANY MUSIC. Over the 27 days of radiation, I developed a great musical friendship with that Radiation crew – – they turned it up to 11 for me in the chamber every day. We did "Ring of Fire." Thank you Johnny Cash. Who knew that a song could kinda make fun of radiation, during radiation? Most of the songs I requested came from listening to KEXP for close to 20 years, so thank you thank you, you got me through. Music heals. I’m 15 months cancer free." - Matt, thank you for sharing your story with us, This one's for you <3
"My husband and I are both long time listeners and amplifiers of KEXP and we now live in Elmore, Vermont. However, our story began in Seattle. My father died of lung cancer when I was a teenager and he would always sing "Amanda" by Waylon Jennings to me. After he passed away that song disappeared from my life until one night in 2000, when I was working at the Washington Athletic Club and I heard that song playing in another part of the hotel kitchen. I followed it and there was a young man in there working away and singing along to this song that in my mind belonged to myself and my father and would bring back the most wonderful memories of my childhood. That young man playing that song and I have been married for 15 years now and it was that moment that brought together both my past and my future." - Blair, what an incredible story! This one's for you <3
"My brother, Neil, and I listen everyday. Our mom has been treated for brain cancer most of our lives and now as adults and parents ourselves, she is receiving end of life care. Will you play "Orange Sky" to let Neil know that regardless of our struggles we will always have love and we’ll always have each other." - Alison, wishing peace to you and your brother Neil during this difficult time. This one's for you <3
"Bennet was a WWII vet who survived Pearl Harbor. His service started like a lot of soldier’s in our country - he didn’t "get along" with his dad so he joined the Marines at 16 (the government graciously changed his birth certificate to help in his plight to escape an abusive home.) He was an obsessive fisherman and instilled this in me. When he told me had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he said, “Ma, Ma, Mandy (he stuttered on M’s due to epilepsy and even though at 12 years old I had requested everyone call me “Amanda”, he still called me "Ma, Ma, Mandy"), they’ve given me 6 months to live, kid. I guess I’d better teach you to fly fish like we’ve been talking about.” So for the next 6 months, we got together at his and my Grammy’s house in rural Arkansas and he taught me to fly fish and make his favorite breakfast - red eye gravy and grits. This was in 1998 when Lucinda William’s “Car Wheels on a Gravel Road” was released. His demise was swift. The disease took him fast and towards the end I would push him to the pond in his wheelchair so he could critique my cast. The song I listened to over and over as he got sicker and sicker and eventually passed was, “Lake Charles”. He always had a reason (excuse?) to get back to his favorite place - on the water.
Cancer fucking sucks. I love my Paupaw. Fish on." - Amanda, thank you for sharing, this one's for you and your Paupaw Bennet <3
"Music Matters. I first found KEXP through the “Song of the Day” podcast in the mid-2000s. I was just starting my career as an art teacher and needed a steady supply of hip tunes to play loudly for my students. Since our school blocked ‘internet streaming,’ I had to create Song of the Day mix-discs, that went into rotation in our department 10-disc changer. I frequently switched out mixes and students would often ask me about the music we heard, which was inspiring them to create art and seek new musicians to champion. Far from most music scenes in rural Nebraska, KEXP opened worlds for us... In January 2019, my wife and I received both fantastic and devastating news over the course of two weeks. Our good news, we were expecting our first child! This kid was immersed in KEXP culture in utero, as it is played nearly exclusively in our home. We are so excited share our good tastes with the next generation :)
Our devastating news was my stage IV rectal cancer diagnosis. On January 10, I found out there is a large tumor in my colon, which has spread to local lymph nodes and metastasized as three lesions in my liver and multiple pulmonary nodules within both lungs. As if becoming parents isn’t challenging enough, this diagnosis has completely upturned our world.
Working with college students, I am painfully aware that I am no longer a youngster, but I have never been able to envision myself as an old man. Currently aged 38 years, I stare down my mortality in the mirror every morning. I look to see if I can find an older version of myself in those eyes. Sometimes, I worry that I may never meet him. Moreover, I fear that I will not be able to see my wife become the outstanding mother I know she is and watch our child grow, learn, and experience this fascinating world.
Currently, I’ve had 25-cycles of chemo equaling about 1250 hours of infusion. It’s a year later, our son is nearly six-months old, and we’re kicking ass. The tumors in my colon have all but disappeared. I recently had an interventional oncology micro-radiation treatment on my liver and early signs are good. I am extremely hopeful, full of love, and living everyday emboldened with a big F-you to cancer... Last week, my mother received news that her breast cancer returned and metastasized in eight locations. This devastating news reaffirms the fragility of our existence and the importance of enjoying everyday. My mother always played music loud in our house. Our cancer journeys, unique, individual, yet intertwined have brought us together. We know not what the future holds, but try to live each day fully. If you’ve got any time in your busy day and setlist, I’d love to dedicate “Handle with Care” by the Traveling Wilburys to my mother. It was always a favorite in our house." - Tim, thank you for your kind words and for being a listener for so long. Wishing you and your mother well during this time, this one's for the both of you <3
"In 2016, I was diagnosed with a medulloblastoma (a brain tumor). I had surgery to remove it, followed by radiation, chemotherapy, and lots of pills. Now, 3 years later, I feel pretty good. I don't carry around barf bags anymore!" - Great news for Fernanda! This one's for you <3
"I’m sitting here in Portland, eating breakfast with my two daughters (all of us members) and listening to your show like we do every day. We lost my wife Katherine three and a half years ago to cancer and KEXP continues to anchor much of our week, from the morning show to the afternoon show, to Preaching the Blues and Evie on Sundays. It’s a weird insane thing to be the steward of your spouse’s memory for your kid. One way I keep her memory alive is through sharing the music she lives with my daughters. Her favorite band was U2, and the Joshua Tree is a frequent request in the car. Can you play their version of "I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For" with the New Voices of Freedom choir? We all might not have what we’re looking for, or be forced to look for things we thought we already had, but at least we can know we are not alone. Thank you for the gift of your vulnerability and grace on the air, this show and your show every day." - Thank you, Jay. This one's for you and Katherine <3
"It seems fitting that this Music Heals falls the day between my birthday (Feb 12) and my late mother’s birthday (Feb 14). My mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in 2010, endured intense surgery removing her entire left lung and chemo those following months. The cancer came back 2 years later in the lining of her abdomen and was put on chemo to keep her stable, changing the chemo drug when the former stopped working. I traveled from Seattle to San Diego every few months to visit. On a July evening, during the week I happened to be visiting, I along with my dad and cousin watched my mom take her last breath. My mom was a fighter up until the very end and kept her spirits up knowing that was the only way she could get through this. I have such fond memories dancing and singing along to "Ain’t No Mountain High Enough" with her and would greatly appreciate you playing the song in her memory. We all need the reminder to dance and sing even in the hard times." - Happy belated birthday, Tori. This one's in memory of your mother <3
"I'm a KEXP volunteer and Amplifier. This is a hard story to write, because during all of the Music Heals Cancer shows, I never thought I'd be the one writing in. Last year during the Spring Drive when my husband Jon and I had the opportunity to donate and get to meet IDLES at Life on Mars, I didn't know that when I was scouring the bar for a good seat for my husband's ailing back, that it was cancer eating his L1 vertebra and crushing his spinal cord. Or when we realized that our lawn tickets for Brandi Carlile at the Gorge might be hard on his increasingly painful back, that we bought a camp chair at REI. It wasn't until the day of the Rolling Stones concert, tickets that I rolled my eyes at buying, but he was so insistent, that we found out the pain was cancer. I couldn't eat, I was so kicked by the news. He wasn't going to let that stop him, though. We went to the show, because years ago as our music heroes started dying, we realized we didn't want to "wait til the next tour." We had to miss the Kamasi Washington and Herbie Hancock concert because it was that same week. In the next few weeks we arranged his neurosurgery (L1 removed, a nerve shaved to get the tumor clear, rods to fuse for stability) and got set up at SCCA. Pathology started to be run. Our world turned upside down for us, including our elementary school aged children... The days after his diagnosis were some of the darkest, hardest days. I have dealt with depression just on seemingly good days, and it just weighed on me. I was doing so much, trying to take care of my kids, trying to act as a nurse to my husband (we had to move him to a hospital bed on our first floor, where I slept on the floor nearby for about a month... We're still buying tickets for upcoming shows. We never know for sure if we'll make it, or if we do if we'll need accomodations for his back. Music is part of the reason my husband and I are together. And as the Mountain Goats say, I'm going to make it through this year if it kills me." - Laura, we miss seeing your face around here at KEXP, please don't forget to take care of yourself the best you can during this time. This one's for you and Jon <3
"My brother was just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He's been fighting health issues for years and has a big fight coming. I'd like to send out love and hope to him Levi. He is a big Depeche Mode fan, "Personal Jesus" if you have the time. Thanks for this Music Heals, and thanks for all the great music! No other station would do something like this." - Santino, hope and healing to your brother Levi during this time. This one's for the both of you <3
"I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer when she was only 36 and I was 11. This was back in the 70s, my mom loved to dance and was the life of every party. So please play "Lust for Life" by Iggy Pop." - For you, Anne <3
Huge thank you to Dr. Rengan from SCCA Proton Therapy for once again coming in to talk with us about his work with cancer patients, and the advancements made in treatment. This one's for you! // www.sccaprotontherapy.com
When you walk through a storm // Hold your head up high // And don't be afraid of the dark // Walk on, walk on // With hope in your heart // And you'll never walk alone
"This is for Rosalie. We have a long history together as friends and family. She's almost done with the last weeks of chemo, yesterday was was 17 out of 24 infusions. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer almost 1 year to the day. When Pearl Jam announced the spring tour we figured out that the LA shows will work out because she'll have just finished treatment, we can finally take our 7 year old daughters to Disney Land and we will celebrate like crazy. Well yesterday she got some really shitty news. It's likely, not certain, but likely that she has cancer in her other breast, unrelated to her first diagnosis. Can you please play "It's Ok/Daughter", the live version of Pearl Jam at the Gorge. We were both at that show back in the day. With what's ahead, I just want to tell Rosalie "It's Ok." We will plod forward through this together as friends and family." - Lisette, here's hoping for a positive outcome for Rosalie, and that you both get to go crazy in L.A.! This one's for the both of you <3
"Thank you for continuing to do this Music Heals Day! I am a SCCA and Proton therapy center alumni. I am very grateful to be a survivor and am able to enjoy my life and my young family. I am 36 years now and was in treatment when my first daughter was born. We brought our newborn to my follow up appointments at the proton center, and I am very grateful to everyone there. Under the circumstances of a new child and cancer my path was to focus on loving the cancer away. It has worked with a ton of support from friends, family and medical caregivers. I’m requesting the Beatles’ "All You Need is Love" with a shout-out to my amazing, graceful and strong wife Kim and my now 2 daughters: Rosemary and Maxine." - Jason, thank you for writing in with this, this one is for you and Kim! <3
8:43 AM
2nd spin
Léa, this one's for you and the memory of your joyful father. Thank you for writing in with your story today <3
"In 2008 I was diagnosed with a particular brain tumor that was popping up in several places inside my head and causing significant damage. I had began to experience blindness and blackouts for two years before I was properly diagnosed. I moved to Seattle from Florida to get lifesaving treatment that was donated through the love and care of many Washingtonians. After an 11hr surgery, rounds of radiation treatment, my first love left me and much of my family left me to recover without support. I felt devastated and alone after all that and I was unable to walk for some time after. I found my way to a very dark place during the months of being bedridden and immobile.
For almost four months straight, I listened to the Post-War Album by M. Ward on repeat. It reached into my soul and both inspired me and helped me to grieve the loss of love and my own feelings of helplessness and loneliness. It shined a light on my soul that brought me back to life and steeled my reserve to get back to my active life of surfing, climbing, and building trades which took nearly two years. During that recovery process I discovered KEXP and began to connect to new friends who’d later become my family after connecting through music and the beautiful outdoors of Washington.
My life was literally saved (in more ways than one) by the beautiful communities of the Great Pacific Northwest of which KEXP is a part. Could you please play ‘Chinese Translation’ by M. Ward?" - Logan, we're happy to hear of your recovery, and you are not alone. Here's to the families we sometimes need to make for ourselves <3
"I was diagnosed with throat cancer a couple years ago. It was tough going through treatment, and I'm very fortunate to have survived it so far. During my treatment, my cousin Todd was very concerned and drove over to take me to some of my radiation treatments. Todd and I grew up together, and I consider him my brother. Music is a huge part of the time we've spent together over the course of our lives, and there are so many songs I hear now that take me right back to a time and place with Todd.
Last year, Todd was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He has fought like hell, but the treatment couldn't contain it and it has spread. They've stopped treatment and are now focused on comfort, with the aid of hospice. I hope to share many more good days and laughs with Todd and his family. One song that I know brings him peace is "You Are the Everything" by R.E.M., if you're able to fit it in." - Jeff, this is for you and Todd. Wishing you both peace and comfort during this time <3
"I am a new listener to KEXP. I live in Nova Scotia Canada. Five years go today I received news that my wife was given 8 weeks to live. I was working overseas at the time and quit my job and flew home to tend to her. She had been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer in June of 2014 at the age of 36. She went through surgery and many, many chemo sessions that took their toll. We celebrated New Years that year with a new hope and optimism that was short lived. I returned to work in January only to receive the news on February 13th. I flew home Valentines Day, worst trip of my life, to become caretaker for her in her final weeks at home. It was the most difficult time for me and my kids aged 3,9 and 15. I never slept and was always at her side or running the household. I was not prepared to be a mother to my children and that was a new challenge. My wife fought to stay around for her only daughter’s 4th birthday and two weeks later she was gone from our lives. I think of the pain she endured and fight she gave. It was a testament to her courage, she never gave up, not for a single second as the cancer ate her inside out. Not a day goes by we don’t think of her and just writing this chokes email me up. I think what you are doing is wonderful. Cancer has touched so many lives, it is sad that it takes something like cancer to bring us together. Could you please play Soldier by Neil Young in her memory." - Michael, what an incredibly difficult day this is for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us this morning, and please take care of yourself today. This is for you <3
"Finding the Proton Center was a result of months of research and many conversations with friends of friends of friends.
Like many patients this journey started with FEAR, ANXIETY, TREPIDATION, FRUSTRATION,
and overall BEWILDERMENT.
After researching the web and visiting the major Seattle medical centers, I found UW Medical Center and SCCA. It was shockingly superior to all other institutions from my first phone call to my final treatment and graduation day.
Every person looks into your eyes, takes your hand, explains and teaches you. I told them if I were tasked with reengineering our country’s medical system, I’d use UW and The Proton Therapy Center as my model to emulate.
And the song that speaks to me is: Michael Franti’s song-“Life is Better with You!” - Jon, thank you for sharing your story with us, this is for you <3 // https://www.sccaprotontherapy.com/
Julie, thank you for writing in with such kind words today. We're wishing for good health back to you. <3
"Today would have been my dad’s 75th birthday. He died in 2011 from brain cancer and I think about him every day. One of his many musical loves was Janis Joplin. When I was a kid, he would put down the top on his convertible and drive us around the quiet suburbs blasting "Piece of My Heart." Hoping you can play it in his honor today." - Elizabeth, we can, and loud to boot! This one's for you and this memory of your father <3
"Can you play "Mountain Song" in honor of my Support The Shield team who helped carry the Sounders Supporters Shield to the top of Rainier. They (w/ doctors at SCCA/my wife) saved my life in my fight vs Cancer!" - You got it, Kevin! <3
"5 yrs ago I had a brain tumor removed. I'm due now for follow up scans and am nervous. To cheer myself up on surgery day I listened to Fugazi's "Waiting Room" and the Ramones "Teenage Lobotomy." Would enjoy hearing if you have time. Thanks for doing what you do and bringing community together." - Joe, fuck cancer, you got this! <3
"I've been thinking about it for weeks, but until hearing other people's amazing stories and music choices, I haven't had the strength to put the words together.
I lost my amazing dad, Ed, to Merkel cell cancer last March. He was a truly incredible person, giving, talented, funny, creative, and kind, and was always, always, always there for me. I miss him every day.
Among his many interests was astronomy, and in the months after his death, as we approached the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing on the moon, I remembered him telling me about witnessing the Apollo missions as a boy, and the awe and excitement it instilled in him. During a discussion with one of the hospice social workers about his own spiritual beliefs, my dad said, "I see no need for the divine, because all is divine." He found peace and wonder in the beauty of the stars and the natural world, and now his energy has returned to the universe that surrounds us. Could you please play "The Other Side" by Public Service Broadcasting, in honor of my dad, Ed.
We are so grateful for his many doctors and caregivers, and for our amazing network of friends, family, and neighbors. Thank you to KEXP for providing this forum for us to share, be vulnerable, and heal." - Gaea, we're so sorry for your loss. This one's for you and the memory of your dad <3
Light up, light up // As if you have a choice // Even if you cannot hear my voice // I'll be right beside you dear
"My dear, funny amazing sister-in-law, Heather, and her husband Jason are battling pancreatic cancer and glioblastoma, respectively. Two of the most deadly forms of cancer. Today is their celebration of life, where their family and community is coming together to give love and prayers while they are here to participate and it's also the day they are telling their 4 year old son that the treatments aren't going to save their lives.
As a long time music lover and supporter of KEXP, I would have thought I'd know the perfect song, but I'm overwhelmed for my family and I can't wrap my head around the right song for this moment. If you have the time, please choose a song to help us celebrate the lives of Heather and Jason today. We all need to be uplifted." - Darcy, what an incredibly difficult time you are all going through right now. Love, peace, and comfort to you all on this day <3
For last year's Mixtape Week winner Jana, aka Biggershorty, aka Hot Cheeto Fantasy. This is from her "thank you" mixtape to celebrate her surgeon while she battles through IIB breast cancer. So much <3 to you Jana!!!
Cause we could all use a little dancing right now!
"My mom just passed away on January 22nd. It was my 30th birthday. Throughout her 7 year fight with breast cancer, her quiet strength allowed her to continuously take joy in life. Each chemo session or surgery was another family dinner, another trip together, another glass of wine shared with a loved one.
My mom was the kind of woman who would sing along with a song even if she never knew the words, even if she’d never heard the song! She loved nothing more than to sit on her little perch in the kitchen while my brother and I cooked dinner and played music. Anything from the 70’s era would remind her of sneaking into the discos with her best friend when she was 17. Each song would have a memory, and we’d listen to each story whether it was the 1st or 100th time she’d told us.
I’d appreciate if you could play "Best of My Love" by The Emotions for her. I am lucky to have had 30 years with her as a mother, and I know she’s dancing somewhere and singing along." - Kathryn, this one's for you and your mom. We hope this gets you dancing today <3
"Four years ago on New Years we lost our brother to bone cancer. It was very quick. Just over six weeks from diagnosis to passing. When he was initially diagnosed my brother an I went to see him down in flagstaff Arizona where he was being treated. While we would visit, to soothe him I would play him some music from my phone. Lumineers Cleopatra had just come out and he hadn’t heard of them. I played pretty much the whole album for him and he enjoyed it. This was the last time I would see him alive.
After he passed I spent the next months processing his death. That album stayed on repeat while I went foraging for morels out in the woods by myself. It became my therapy of a sorts. I still miss him terribly,but the songs always remind me, even if it was just for a moment, it healed him and me..." - Jason, music was there for both of you in your brother's struggle. We are so sorry for your loss.
"I lost my aunt to cancer in 2013. She was an absolutely kick ass woman who battled cancer off & on for 10 years. When she heard the cancer was back the last time she decided not to treat...but to go spend her last months at her vacation home. Pretty much "fuck it, I'm going to Aruba." I'm sad my daughters didn't get a chance to know her. One of my favorite memories is the 13 year old me being blown away that she knew who David Bowie was when *I* played him for her. (Cuz you know, no adult is cool to a 13 year old.) She'd seen him live, like, a dozen times. Please play Rebel Rebel for my kick ass Aunt Janis. " - Tamara, we are all rocking out and dancing to David Bowie along with you and Aunt Janis. This one's for you and the memory of your Aunt.
"I lost my sister to breast cancer 30 years ago and another 21 years ago, also to breast cancer. I was diagnosed in September of 2019 and fortunately for me, I have insurance coverage so I have had the luxury of going for my yearly mammogram and they caught it early. My surgery went well and I just finished up five weeks of daily radiation and am feeling great. I had KEXP on all day and evening as I went about my recovery.
My family history is that of the "working poor". My sister was a cake decorator and my other sister was a nanny and worked part time in a school. None of the jobs provided health insurance. I loved them dearly and still miss them. When something happens I sometimes go to call them and crushingly realize they aren't there.
How can our country care so little for its citizens? My husband and I helped start the Green Party in our state years ago in part to get single payer on the table. Now I demand Medicare for all. Reduce the defense spending - it's lunacy. I know Public Enemy didn't have health care for all in mind when they wrote "Fight the Power" but the hook serves in this case in case you have time to play it.
Hope you're doing well, Cheryl. You sound better every day." - Annie, fight the power! Well wishes to you in your recovery. You got this!
"In 2018, my little sister, Kerry, was diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. It was a shock, to say the least. She had just turned 30. Halfway through her treatment, she experienced pain in her rib. After a scan and a biopsy, it was found that she had a 4-inch tumor in her kidney. To have two separate primary cancers at the same time at her age with no genetic link was just strange. She went through chemo and radiation and has been on the other side of treatment for one year. Music has always been important to her and is one of the reasons that she studied audio engineering in college. When I heard about this show, I thought of her immediately and asked her what she would request that helped her through. She said Love Protocol by Coheed & Cambria or Halo by Beyonce (one that affects her in a surprising way). I'd love for you to play one of these for her especially as she continues to take medication to ensure that her cancer doesn't come back. She has another four years and the medicine has some side effects that really haven't been fun. Also, I hope to plug Relay for Life and for listeners to donate to their local Relay for Life chapter. This is a cause that my sister has been supporting since her treatment ended." Katie and Kerry, we can feel your halo.
"Sitting here on the taco truck with my favorite guys (best co-workers ever) laughing and crying listening to the show. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and yet here I am. Slinging tacos, singing, and loving my life. 3 loving pups, 2 crazy girls, a kick ass boyfriend and an amazing community that carries me every day. Thank you for the show!! Would love to hear Flaming Lips, Do you Realize... Dawnelle from the Marination taco truck." - Dawnelle, this one's for you. Turn it up loud and dance with your people.
Request for our friend in the Gathering Space wanting to hear some reggae on this Music Heals day.
"My mother Judy battled lung cancer for almost two years before passing away in 2008, four days after the birth of my second child. She was a great mother, grandmother, person and friend.
As it did when I lost my father Will as a teenager, music was integral in my grieving – and healing – process. Music provided an escape from my numbness, and allowed me to re-connect with my surroundings and feel something again. Mogwai’s “Helicon I” was my escape and re-connection, it will always be more than a mere song for me.
Kudos, KEXP." - Paul, music heals. Thank you for your story. XO
"My dad died in 2009 from colon cancer. His only request of me before he died, which took place in my childhood bedroom, was to go to the doctor regularly and take care of myself. I wasn't yet a father myself and didn't realize at the time that he gave that advice to me so I would be able be here for my own family, hopefully for a very long time. I miss him every day and wish he was here to be the best Grandpa in the whole world. He wasn't a huge music lover, but when he was working on something, the classic rock station would be on the radio. I remember hearing the Beatles and liking it and he would say they were the best. Flash forward to a month ago and I played my two and a half year old son Blackbird, he loves birds, and it is now one of three songs he requests that aren't kids songs . I wish I could tell my dad that. The wound on my heart of losing him healed over a while ago, but the scar is huge and itches really bad all the time. Please play Blackbird for my dad Denny and my son Asher. I wish they could hear together." - Andy, this one is for you, Denny and Asher.
"Phil Elverum has used music to share his story of grief after losing his wife of 13 years to cancer. Elverum is an indie musician from Antacortes who performs under the name Mount Erie. His wife, Geneviève Castrée was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer four months after giving birth to her first child. She passed away the following year, in 2016.
In the wake of Castrée’s death, Elverum wrote the emotionally candid album A Crow Looked At Me which directly addressed the loss and grief he was experiencing. Ahead of KEXP’s Music Heals: Beyond Cancer event, Sound & Vision host and producer Emily Fox talked with Elverum about tackling grief in his music, performing these harrowing songs in front of festival crowds, and reflects on the art and void left by his late wife.
Read a transcription of their conversation below and tune in this Saturday at 7 AM PT to hear the story in full."
www.kexp.org
"There really are no amount of words that can convey what my Mom meant to me and everyone she encountered. She was a mother, a grandmother, a teacher, a volunteer and an avid music fan. I can remember sneaking through her records when I was a little kid totally mesmerized by the risky covers like STYX or Prince. There were countless trips to Tower Records and I remember her blaring the BATMAN soundtrack feat. Prince when we got our first CD player. My Mom's love for music transcended to her children and when she got sick it was a way to really bring our family back to the happier times. She relished in all kinds of music genres, and jazz was something we had on a lot just to calm things down and sit with her in her room. After she passed, we were all coping in different ways. For my brother, he went out and got a puppy! He was this adorable little black bundle of joy and they named him, Jazz. Jazz was a huge part of my brother's life and every time we said his name it was like our Mom was there in the moment somehow. I know there's not a lot of Jazz played on KEXP but my Mom loved Prince could you play Purple Rain in memory of our dear mother, Cheryl." - Erin & Josh, here is some Prince for you.
"Cancer has never run in my family. My mom was diagnose with breast cancer last spring. I am very thankful that it was caught at an early stage. It was a hard road for her to go through chemo, but myself and my siblings were there for her to attend her treatment and comfort her the best we could through the tough months that followed. My mom Rachel just completed her chemo about a month ago and is now in her treatment for radiation. I am so very proud of her for her strength and positive attitude to help get through beating this son of bitch cancer!!
She's still has a ways to go, but I am thankful for love and support of the Swedish Cancer Center in Lynnwood has provided her and during her treatments. I also want to thank KEXP for this wonderful show they do every year about Cancer. My mom and I would listen to music to calm her and take her mind off things while I attended her treatments. I am a long time listener, and today really brings a lot heartfelt feelings of the sad and the good along with the hope and the strength we all feel for those with cancer, have beaten caner, and who are no longer with us because of cancer.
Mom - I love you and your going to beat this!
Thank you KEXP and to all the community.
Can you please play for Rachel (Mom) "Better Days" by Pearl Jam" - Rachel, healing wishes going your way.
"I love hearing John and Cheryl talking together about life and friendship and celebrating theirs. I didn’t plan to write in but don’t think I can concentrate on work until I share this. There is so much I could say about cancer and its impact on my life, because it’s been nearly constant for years now – family and friends’ stories, working in clinical research for years including oncology trials. But today there is one story that won’t leave me alone.
My best friend on this earth lives in NY, while I originally lived in the Boston area and since 1996 in Woodinville, WA. Jan and I lived in the same state for only 10 months of our 30+ year friendship but that didn’t prevent us from becoming family to one another. We’ve shared some truly odd life, family and other coincidences along the way, with 2012 as a banner year for it. We were each diagnosed with cancer that year; breast cancer for me, pancreatic for her. I was lucky that it was caught early via 3-D mammography (yes, I’m an advocate!). Jan was Stage IV and has had various treatments over the years; she’s just finished radiation. Yet she’s a wonder to her oncology team – and me - because she is still here with us. She’s a fierce, funny, wonderful woman and friend.
Today, we have a call scheduled to catch up on her latest radiation treatments and connect with one another. That’s right, these two friends coincidentally planned a cancer check-in call on “Music Heals” day. It makes me smile. Who knows – maybe I can convince her to join me in person during Music Heals next year. I’ll work on it!
My music request would have to be Bruce Springsteen. Jan and I have very different musical tastes, but she became a fan when I made her listen to one of his early albums. I’ll let you choose the song (if you have time)!" ~ Carol & Jan, happy Music Heals Day!
Guy Garvey of Elbow spoke with KEXP. In the interview, he spoke of losing his Dad to cancer, and how much family was around him, loving and supporting him at the end of his life.
"Dad wore pomade in his hair. I asked him if I could give him a shave and do his hair for him just to sort of perk him up in his hospital bed. Then throughout the day, whenever his hair was out of place from rustlin' around in his bed. I would pat down my work. I would pat down his hair in the middle of a conversation about "do not resuscitate" and chemotherapy. He said to my sister, "You know what? Maybe I will have chemotherapy if it will stop Guy from touching my fucking hair (laughs)." So, he was nursed to his death in my sister's house. She's a trained nurse and her husband, too. He never lost his appetite, and he felt no pain. He was surrounded by my sisters, my brother, and all his grandchildren singing, talking, and cracking jokes. He had the most amazing farewell you could imagine. He said in these last few weeks of life that he'd never felt so loved in his whole life, which is just what you want."
Read (or listen) to the full interview with Garvey here: www.kexp.org
"In August my worst reality came true when my twin sister Tessa was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. She is 28 years old. Throughout the last 6 months of treatment I've seen her keep her positive attitude and persevere through the pain and discomfort. Bi-weekly I go to her treatments with her at SCCA and we sit in her treatment bed and watch Netflix and laugh together. In March she will go through surgery to remove her cancer. We are praying for a full recovery so we can put this behind us and grow our families together as we've always dreamed of doing. Music has been something that has bonded us are whole lives. She is my concert buddy. I'd like to dedicate this song to Tessa, the person who always makes me feel at home." - Elli, we will all be thinking of you and Tessa as she fights and kicks cancer and heals.
"My mom, Carol, died of breast cancer when I was 31 years old. She was only 61.
She hid her cancer because she didn't have insurance and the ACA didn't exist. She hid her cancer until she couldn't hide it anymore and it had metastasized to her bones and liver among other sites.
The doctor's gave her 6 months to live and she made it long enough to re-awaken from a coma for Christmas eve and Christmas day with her family around her. She died shortly after that new year 17 years ago.
The shock of her diagnosis and her rapid decline left her remaining three children, her husband, and her extended family in a constant state of reacting to the latest emergency as we watched our best friend, mother, Aunt, and wife disappear before our very eyes.
I remember how the nurses loved her acerbic humor and a sparkling charm that I hadn't seen since my brother's death years before. I also remember that I got to tell her that Elvis was popular again with the Junkie XL remix and introduce her to David Gray. She loved Prince and scoffed the Moral Majority (remember those folks?) for calling his music "dirty". She proudly wore a t-shirt emblazoned with "Immoral Minority." She is the reason my politics are so progressive (even radical) and why my taste in music is so eclectic.
I am in awe and respect for those that can maintain a positive attitude and outlook during their or their loved one's disease journey. More often than not, my grief has manifested in rage and depression and the ongoing anxiety of the potential odds for cancer to find me, my siblings, my relatives and loved ones. Grief is a lifelong process, not a destination. I've learned to weave all of that experience and grief into the person that I am today and I hope that it has made me more present and empathetic to all. Some days it still feels like too much.
We also lost my mother-in-law, my friend's mother, and so many others to cancer. I count among my dear friends fierce cancer survivors and I am so grateful that they are still with me to dance and sing and laugh. I count Cheryl among those fierce survivors. We are all connected in this fight in so many ways.
If you can, please play either something from David Gray, Elvis Presley, or Sweet Caroline. The last we played at my mother's funeral and I can't hear it without getting choked up even now." - Sweet Caroline for you, Victoria.
"Let me preface this with I have listened to you guys for quite I while now. I used to live out in Tacoma and I had never heard such a great radio station. I would listen to it in the car, at work, home, everywhere. It’s incredible how the music y’all played took me somewhere in my mind, made me feel good, or just say “holy ****, who was that and how do I get a hold of that album?!” So thank y’all.
I moved several times. Most recently to Florida where my agency relocated me to for better management of my cancer. I’m currently in me 3rd battle with the disease and it never gets better. But I’m glad I’m home.
To the point:
My first battle with cancer was in Cincinnati. After a lengthy surgery I went through radiation. I asked the nurses and techs if I could listen to my iPod while in the tube. They said yes. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and We Were Promised Jetpacks released albums around the same time and I declared those “my cancer albums”. The albums were the darkest work those bands had done so far. It was bad then. It was a cold snowy winter in Cincinnati. I only listened to those two albums and they distracted me from what was going on. The darkness of those tunes helped me. I wasn’t alone. I was the only one who was sad but somehow it helped.
I’ve met both bands several times and they feel close to me. I feel like we know each other now.
Sorry this has been so long winded but here I am tearing up listening to this show.
Anyway. Play “sore thumb” by We Were Promised Jetpacks from the Pit of The Stomach album. Please. It’s a good cancer jam" - Keep fighting, Eric! You are not alone.
'In 2010, a former boss of mine introduced me to Michelle Becker. The boss described Michelle as "the best employee I've ever had," which reflected a group I was a part of. I hired Michelle, and quickly drew the same conclusion -- she is the best, hardest working, most focused on self-improvement employee I've ever had. She pushes the needle, seeking to do better, but always bringing people along for the ride. Oh, the power of positivism.
Like many others in our tech marketing community, I was surprised to learn Michelle, a vibrant, youthful, mother of two young kids, is suffering from stage 4 melanoma. Like President Jimmy Carter, Michelle is fighting through this. She inspires me to recall the blessings around me -- my friends, family, community, and my ability to push my own needles, while striving to be a positive influence on those around me.
For Michelle, can you please play "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + The Machine. What a song -- to kick us in the butt, and put a smile on our faces. Michelle, you have this power too." - Michelle, you can kick this! You are not alone. Jerome, thank you for your support.
"My sister and I look alike. People often ask if we are twins, which seems, to the pedantic biology nerd in me, a stupid question. Because what they really meant is: are you two identical twins? No, obviously not. Identical twins are the same sex. I wonder now, if we were twins, would her cancer hurt more for me? Again, no, obviously not. I can’t imagine what it means to hurt more. My sister and I we were raised by a single mom, whom we lost to breast cancer 10 years ago. And now my sister is in hospice, also enduring bravely the end stages of her breast cancer. She is 47 years old.
There are cancers between us, like war and violence and brutality and dishonesty, and there are cancers within us. The worlds is full of malignancies, monstrous things. How do we go on when these monstrous things threaten to overwhelm us? How do I go on when I’m now on the brink of having lost the two women, the two other legs of the tripod that held up my sense of family for most my life? How do any of us go on when the cancer of grief overwhelms? There's no easy answer. But my mom and my sister and me - we all loved to celebrate life, even in the face of grief, and music is the key to any celebration. My mom, a lifelong feminist, loved especially female artists. Growing up in Minnesota, my sister and I were partial to our home state artists, especially Prince and Bob Dylan.
In the wake of our mom's death, I flew to California from Seattle and sat under my sister's orange tree in the morning, listening to Dylan with her. My sister's cancer is especially difficult and uncertain now. I would be honored if you play "Shelter from the Storm" in honor of my sister." - Karma, this one is for you and your sister.
"I've spent the morning listening, crying and remembering with other listeners. We lost my wonderful dad to Lymphoma in December, and I am still in the depths of grief trying to process his absence. I feel fortunate that he introduced me to the music he loved, and I've felt closest to him while listening to a playlist of the most "liked" songs we found on his phone. If you have time, I would love to hear The Eye by Brandi Carlisle, as hers was the last live show (of many) he had the pleasure to see.
Thank you for bringing us all together, today and every day." - Claudia, we are so sorry for your loss.
"I debated long and hard about whether I’d write in with my story, it’s not one I often share. I lost my father to cancer when I was seven and it’s undoubtedly been the most defining experience of my life. He was diagnosed at stage IV with a paranasal sinus tumor that ultimately grew into his brain. He fought for over a year through intense chemo and radiation, and despite all his pain still remained an amazing dad. It will be 18 years this September but as anyone who’s lost a loved one knows, there are still times when it hurts like it happened yesterday. He was a musician and I miss his music every day. Growing up he taught me to look up to strong women and did so through music, The Dixie Chicks were one of his favorite bands.
He would have loved KEXP and I often think of him when listening to the show. Thank you for being there for me every day, reminding me and all the KEXP community that we are not alone. " - Thank you, Alea. You are not alone.
boygenius (Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus) performed the Dixie Chicks "Cowboy Take Me Away" live here at KEXP: www.youtube.com
"Thank you for sharing Cheryl. All the woman in my family have the BRCA1 gene, both my mother and sister have had hysterectomies with my mother going through her second round of chemo this past year having had stage 3 breast cancer. Both of these women are the loves of my life and I happy to share they are both in my life today. As I heard you share I could relate and it stirred a great deal of emotions up. Regine voice from the Arcade Fire has always been of comfort to both my self and my sister. If could play them for you, my mother and sister." - Joshua, thank you for sharing.
"Coming out of colon cancer surgery, I got a lot of family support, including a mix tape from a nephew that started with Z-Trip’s song Breakfast Club. That silly, fun song took me away from my worries and back to those days when it was all about “watchin my cartoons.” Music has always been an important source of emotional support, and you never know what type of song is going to trigger that. Thanks to catching the cancer early with screening, I just passed five years cancer-free--and five years of annoying my friends by telling them to get the damn tests. (“After these messages, we’ll be right back!”) That colonoscopy saved my life, and the song saved my sanity. I’m thankful that you’re airing stories along with great music." - Bill, you are so right. Call your doctor and make an appointment today. Congratulations to your five years of a cancer free life!
"I used to volunteer at KEXP before moving back to Texas. One of the major contributing factors for my move from Seattle to Houston was because of my good friend Augusta.
Augusta had a very rare liver disease but was lucky enough to get a transplant fairly quickly. Sadly, as she was taking the autoimmune suppressors necessary to make sure her body didn't reject the transplant she contracted a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. She lost her fight at the age of 31 in March of 2018. Before she passed she married her best friend and partner of over a decade. Music has always been a uniting force for my friend group and going to rap shows was a central part of Augusta's relationship with her partner. I would humbly ask that you play "Love" by Kendrick Lamar, the song that was playing in her hospital room when she married her best friend.
Thank you all for doing this. My thoughts, hopes, and best vibes to the KEXP family and to Cheryl in particular as she continues her fight." - John, we are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your support and listening.
"My aunt Rebecca lived with us when I was in middle school as she was battling breast cancer. She was an opinionated lady and getting frustrated going through my parents’ cd collection looking for female artists and so pulled all of them and created her own selection. We left them there in her honor long after she left us. I would like to dedicate Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics because I think of Rebecca every time I hear this song, laughing with her at the music video." - Caroline, here's to your Aunt Rebecca.
"This is an incredible show! Hearing everyone's songs of love and strength and friendship and power and hope and sorrow brings me to tears. That those tears are shared by so many millions of people affected by cancer, though, is both beautiful and crushing.
I'm writing to you for my friend Agnes, someone I didn't know would touch my life so dearly and leave such a lasting mark on who I am. Agnes was my coworker when I lived in Portland, and she passed away last May after a quick and private struggle with lung cancer. I learned from a mutual friend that she was sick several months after her diagnosis in late 2018, but, as mentioned on the air this morning, life still kept going. I found myself constantly thinking of her yet constantly distracted from reaching out. Soon I got word I'd never be able to comfort my friend, reminisce about our time together or tell her how much she meant to me.
Agnes was unlike anyone I've ever met. She came to her relationships without judgment, found quiet but fierce joy in her favorite things (women's soccer, live music, the Portland Trail Blazers, slick editorial design) and believed in those she loved. I try every day to be a little more like the person she saw in me. Not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for not picking up the phone to call Agnes, but I hope that by frequently telling the people in my life how much I care about them, her memory will live in that love.
If you have space in your lineup, could you please play some Sleater-Kinney (more specifically, some Janet Weiss) for Agnes? Thanks for the music and the memories today and for the reminder that the pain of cancer--the diagnosis, the treatment, the suffering, the loss--doesn't have to be a solo experience." - Madeline, we are sorry for your loss. It sounds like Agnes was an amazing person.
"My best friend, Ed, died 2.5 years ago from pancreatic cancer. He was a long-time supporter of KEXP--I inherited his many KEXP shirts, which I cherish. He was a talented comic-book artist, but music was a huge part of his life, too. He organized karaoke theme nights where his friends dressed up as '80s rockers, goth kids, etc. and would take over karaoke bars and only sing songs from that genre. As an artist, he did not cut corners on his costumes! Here is a photo of him on the David Bowie karaoke night that he organized.
Fun, kind, smart, talented, loved by so many--Ed lived until he died. We played David Bowie in his hospital room as he lay dying. If you could play "Starman" in Ed's honor I would so appreciate it." - Laura, here's to your friend, Ed. He sounds like a Starman.
"We lost our mother and father within 18 months of each other to cancer. Mom died of non-small cell lung cancer. She and dad chose to not disclose it to us until it was stage IV; we were in our 20’s and 30’s and she wanted us to live our lives without disruption. We were heartbroken when she passed away on the shores of the beloved lake cabin in northern Wisconsin that we continue to visit and enjoy to this day.
Dad was a former Marine and torn up after mom’s death, but unaccustomed to sharing his feelings. He developed a growth on his neck and died of anaplastic thyroid cancer 18 months after mom passed.
Us five siblings felt like the floor was taken out from us and still grieve after 20 years to different extents.
My sister in Seattle tuned me in to what you are doing today. I’d like to dedicate this to her, in memory of our parents, Robbie and Hux. I’d like to request “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. My sister and I used to listen to R.E.M on the way to school when I wasn’t annoying her by blaring The Who. Love ya sis." - Kevin, we are sorry for your loss. This one goes out to you and your sister as you think of your parents, Robbie and Hux. Everbody hurts.
"First of all, thank you so much for doing the show. I spent the majority this morning chasing my one-year-old around the house with tears of sadness and joy in my eyes. (For the record, it is really hard to make monkey noises when you’re crying, but not impossible)
Although neither of my parents got to know my child, I continue to see their traits of defiance, curiosity and mischief surface in her as she grows.
I lost my father to pancreatic cancer when I was 20 and my mother to breast cancer when I was 40. My parents had differing ideas on the treatment options in cancer. Dad went for all treatments possible and the mom went for the bare minimum for palliative treatment at the end of her life. I respect both of their choices for the treatments they each pursued.
I know much of your show is focused on the “battle” with cancer through different treatments and a lot of the rhetoric is about “fighting”. I would like to acknowledge The people Who are affected by cancer that make that deeply personal choice to not pursue aggressive treatment due to their state of their disease, personal beliefs or stage in life.
I know this is not the typical request, but Would you be able to play some Chopin or Beethoven for my dad, Myron, who would conduct a symphony while driving 50 miles an hour in the fast lane oblivious to the fact that I was mortified in the front seat as furious drivers sped around us. " - Aron, thank you for sharing. And we are sorry for your losses.
"I would like to dedicate this song to my long time friends Althea in Bellingham, a cancer warrior for 5 years now, Cinnamen in Sumas and David in Kyle, TX both of whom have received devastating news this week. These are all amazing, giving people in a fight for their lives, and more than one go round I might add. The timbre of this song really reflects what is going on in my insides right now. You are my heroes, and I stand with you always to kick cancer's butt! With much love and admiration!" - This one is for you, MotorPsychGirl. May your friends fight the good fight. Healthy vibes going out to Althea, Cinnamen and David.
"Would you please play "Alone Again Or" (either the original Love version or the Calexico) in memory of my friend, boss, mentor Caleb, lost to cancer 7 years ago as of Tuesday? As a huge music fan, he happily made mix tapes or CDs for any new friend who might be interested. This song stands out from the first mix he ever made me. Cancer can be slow or cancer can be fast. Caleb's was so fast I never got to say goodbye.
Cheryl, stay strong and keep fighting the good fight. It makes me so (oddly) pleased to hear you back on the air with your new lisp, because that lisp is a battle scar. I'm sure it's hard as a DJ, but you are a victorious warrior, a Nike of the airwaves, and it is a beautiful reminder that you're still here dammit. Thank you for sharing your journey with us." - Emily, thank you and we are sorry for your loss. This song goes out to Caleb.
"Despite being 10 years younger than me, my brother Bryan and I had a very strong relationship growing up. I think this is part of why it was me he called in the Spring of 2006, upset and in tears that he was having trouble playing his guitar. At this time he had just turned 23 years old, and he had been playing stringed instruments since starting with the violin at age 4. Something was wrong.
Fast forward several months of testing for nerve related issues, they finally conduct a brain scan that raised further alarm. A subsequent biopsy would not only confirm that he had a rare brain cancer called an astrocytoma, but the biopsy itself did permanent harm to his motor skills. Here was this young man for whom music was his life, and his ability to play it literally slipped away through his fingers.
As I mentioned, Bryan had started on violin at a very young age. By the time he was a teenager, he was skilled with nearly every stringed instrument he had laid his hands on. He started writing lyrics and music as a teen, inspired by the likes of Woody Guthrie, The Weakerthans, Wilco, and Bob Dylan, and by the time of his diagnosis, had even recorded over a dozen songs, nine of which were his own. He was a music major at the University of Oregon, and was within a year of finishing when the cancer started making its
move. Again, music was Bryan’s life.
The beautiful thing (if I may be so bold with my broken heart) in all of this was how much Bryan refused to let his cancer take his music from him. In the first year after the diagnosis, he found ways to continue writing, recording, and composing. Through radiation,
chemo, and a particularly nasty barrage of steroids, there he was, immersed in music. The next two years were more difficult, but music was everywhere. During the last months that he was still lucid, Bryan went through the process of giving away all of his meaningful possessions, which for him meant his musical instruments. This process was heartbreaking, but it meant so much to Bryan, and to coming to terms with his grim reality. Again, music was Bryan’s life.
I still think it is strange that in a family of musicians, Bryan stood out as something more. Music is such an important part of my life as well, and here was my little brother, always turning me on to bands, like Wolf Parade, Two Gallants, and The Flaming Lips. During those last months of lucidity, so much of our conversations were about music, and those that brought it to us. In the months after, we let music fill the silence around us as we held hands, and felt each other’s warmth.
Bryan passed away two months before his 26th birthday in 2009. Music was his life, and now music continues to be how we keep him alive. Since we shared so much music over the years, I have so many connections to him through songs and groups. In honor of this day, will you please play either Dears Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts by Wolf Parade, or Smile All the Time by Wilco?" - Ivan, so heartbreaking. We are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
"My longtime friend April passed away on January 26th, 2009 after her second battle with cancer.
She was a truly sweet, humble, and caring human.
We introduced one another to so many bands and bonded over music in the intense way you do when you’re in your late teen years.
I could pick a hundred songs that we claimed as “ours” that I know would make her smile and bring happy tears to her eyes if she were here today.
Taillights Fade by Buffalo Tom brings back vivid memories of hanging in her room, listening to it over and over when cancer was a stranger. This is for April and her sister, Maureen." - Jeremy, thank you sharing. This one is for you, April and Maureen. Music Heals.
"On Sunday night, I pulled up to the hospital a few minutes early for my breast cancer "young survivors" support group. I was listening to the radio in my car in Portland Oregon, where I live. I'm New Here, my favorite Gil Scott Heron song came on and the DJ mentioned it was written by Bill Callahan. First, my brain thought "Wow, I have loved this song for years and had no idea it was written by Bill Callahan. Man, I love radio." and then I paused and thought, "Holy cow, I AM NEW HERE. I am new to cancer. HOW AM I HERE? HOW IS THIS REAL." Sometimes the surreal-ness of this situation can really hit me. I started crying and just turned it up with tears rolling down my chemo-infused, stage-2-breast-cancer-slaying cheeks, listening to one of my favorite songs in a whole new way. This was a sweet moment for me, it felt therapeutic, a tender cry to help me process the emotions that only music can hold your hand through, moments like this seem sad but are an invaluable experience for me from time to time while getting through these days. And then I dried my eyes and trotted in to meet with 15 beautiful. hilarious, crass, strong women.
These last few months have been a real whirlwind. I'm happy to report that my outlook is very good. I was just diagnosed in October, after my baby bit me while breastfeeding and I noticed the lump. She is not usually a biter, and I can't believe how lucky we are that she chose to chomp me on that side, on that day. We caught it early enough, it hadn't spread, and wasn't in my lymph nodes, so it looks like with treatment I have a really good chance of sticking around and being her mom for a long, long time. I've since been through two lumpectomy surgeries and just started my first round of chemo last Wednesday. I'll do 4 rounds of chemo every three weeks, and then 4 weeks of daily radiation, then will take an anti-cancer drug for 10 years. I'm tolerating my chemo very well so far, and am having the best day today listening to your very timely programming. Cheryl, by god, you've go this. I've got this. If you can play I'm New Here, I'd love it. Hopefully, neither of us will ever be New Here again. PS - If anyone listening is dealing with cancer and HASN'T tried a support group, I cannot express how much it can help. Love to all!" - Amy, you've got this! Best of luck to you in your treatment. Music will hold your hand. Sending you healing vibes.
"After my dad passed from bladder cancer at 52 (and I was 22, it was 1995) I couldn’t stop listening to Live Forever from Oasis and pictured him continuing on thru our shared love of music (he introduced me to greats like Simon and Garfunkel, Carpenters, Linda Ronstadt, Joan Baez and even loved Guns and Roses) and def was a huge influence to drive me to get into the music industry to fulfill a dream I think he once had as well.
If you feel like throwing an Oasis song into the mix, esp that one!!" - Jennifer, thank you for sharing your memory about you Dad. Love how he introduced you to great music. Music heals and you will remember him always.
"My aunt…who I regularly introduced as “the mom I should have had”…died just two weeks ago from melanoma cancer. My aunt was a strong, independent, vivacious woman, known for her infectious laugh, outgoing personality and fun hats. Her cancer started as a rapidly growing mole on her hand. She was diagnosed in 2018, went through chemo, and enjoyed a somewhat brief period of respite from this horrible disease. She had many “good” months…and made the most of them. She had a setback in June of last year, and her journey went quickly downhill from there. The last six weeks were particularly difficult…for both her, and those in her inner circle. She is at peace now, and will be sorely missed.
I have many special memories of my aunt. One such memory is her taking me to see my very first concert at the age of 10: to see Queen. In her memory, I’d like to request that you play “You’re my Best Friend”, by Queen." - Erin, what a sweet memory of your Aunt. Happy to play Queen for you. So sorry for your loss.
"My name is Arianne, I'm 28 from Jupiter, Florida.
The song that brings me tears (some of happiness and joy, some of pain to this day) is Cosmic Love, by Florence and the Machine. Although you feel you may be in the dark when the prognosis comes for you or loved one, know that there is still beauty, happiness, and life to be lived.
When I was 12, I saw a young boy crying in PE class. I consoled him and he confided that his mother had cancer and would not make it. Years later, I met that same boy again unknowingly, although we were now in our early 20s. Michael Mahoney had been through chemo a few years beforehand, so going into the relationship, I knew there was a possibility he may have another scare. We fell in love- quickly, passionately. Unfortunately, when I went with him to a check up, they found the osteosarcoma had returned. We were only together for six months before he passed, but that love was the purest, most beautiful experience one can imagine. It felt like a lifetime, and to us, perhaps it was.
It has been 8 years come June, but I think of him in little ways every day. His fortitude and his love, will always be with me, and I could not be more grateful.
My advice to anyone going through this difficult time: Trust in Love, for it will never steer you wrong. " - Arianne, we are so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Thank you for sharing.
"The love you bring with this show is always hard but inspiring and healthy. Thanks so much. six years ago my friend Lauren passed after a fight with cervical cancer. I first met Lauren when we both had college radio shows and then when I first moved to New York City she was the only person I knew there. She would show me where all the good venues were and kept me updated on new music. Years later after she had been diagnosed and was told she only had a few months to live I would go to her apartment and we would just watch movies and listen to music. She was still giving me recommendations on new bands to check out. Just more proof on how music gives us solace and brings people together. If you can fit it in somehow it would be great if you could play "Someone Great" by LCD Sound System." - Justin, thank you for sharing. We are sorry for your loss.
Thank you all for listening to the Morning/Midday edition of Music Heals: Beyond Cancer today. Your stories are very much appreciated. Stay strong out there! Be kind. Someone could be fighting a battle out there and need kindness. You are not alone. If you need someone, reach out. Find your people. We are here for you.